Stop it!

Faith, mom of J, 12.5

I saw J scratching himself with his fingernails today and I had a really big negative reaction. If there is anything I would give him drugs to stop, it’s him hurting himself. (I don't even give Tylenol).  J hasn’t done this before, and I felt floored. He has always liked being scratched, but now, he is scratching to the point of giving himself welts, and bruises, and I feel panicked. The world keeps spinning out of control. As soon as I gather in one thread, 4 more unravel.

I almost yelled at him “Stop it!” and he looked very irritated, upset even, and went back to scratching his arm. As I continued to forcefully tell him not to do it, he pushed me away, quite forcefully. He screamed, and ran upstairs, but not before jumping and stomping, with screaming a little. I heard him upstairs crying. He’s not usually that quick to fly off, and doesn’t stay upset, and he doesn’t push back. Sigh. So he was really feeding off my angst. I was very panicked. I remember seeing bruises on his legs a few days ago, and wondering what they were. Now that I see fresh one on his legs, I know for sure what they are.

When he came back downstairs, somewhat recovered, I offered to change his pull-up. As I helped him in the bathroom, I had another mini crisis, or perhaps, a continuation of the current one. “God, can he be potty trained, please?” I have changed J now for 12 .5 years. Isn’t that enough? Must I have that, being on 24 hour alert for all kinds of thing, like failing to prevent a quart of extra virgin olive oil from being poured into the sink, or the new bottle of pure liquid castile soap that went into the bathroom sink? Not to mention the food I’m constantly protecting, telling him not to strip the paint off the wall, and the call from DH on the cell phone seconds after he left for the supermarket telling me J was outside... Must I add preventing him from scratching himself to that list of 24/7 vigilance? I’m ready to trade something. I’m putting changing diapers back on the shelf, if I have to take protecting from scratches.